Hellraiser: Hellseeker Hellraiser (VI): Hellseeker (2002)

Okay, well, it was better than the last one, that is something. It has an actor I like and I’ll take that. And Kirsty is in it, so welcome back Kirsty. Otherwise, I’m unsure what to say about it. I mean, even lighter on actual Hellraiser characters than the last one. One cenobyte like creature, but mostly it’s human halucinations. It begs the question: if Pinhead and the Cenobytes are hardly in it, is it a Hellraiser movie. I would argue no.  But, as far as being a good movie, I wouldn’t say this was bottom of the barrel. It has some intrigue. It has some mind screwy stuff. It feels disorienting. The twist ending was not predicted. So, I wouldn’t watch it again, but I am not filled with regret.

Hellraiser: Inferno Hellraiser (V): Inferno (2000)

Could someone please explain to my why I did this to myself. I mean, isn’t this supposed to be fun? This movie was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen…I’m borderline angry about it. I don’t even think it was a Hellraiser movie, actually. It was an attempt at a 1930’s detective mood with all the worst parts of a David Lynch movie and it was feat. some characters from Hellraiser. If Pinhead was too verbose in the last movie, he was almost non-existent in this one (except, you know, to punch us in the face with the MORAL OF THE STORY at the end). The new Chattering Cenobyte was way, waaaay too chattering. Went from being creepy to being irritating. The other new Cenobytes were okay, but they all looked the same, which is no fun at all. They used the same torture over and over and, as torture goes, it was all pretty mundane and human, not at all extra horrible and otherworldly. Instead of a sweeping classical score they went with new age porno music. And why was it called Inferno? I don’t even think they light so much as a cigarette. Skip right over this one if you care about anything in the world at all.

Hellraiser: Bloodline Hellraiser (IV): Bloodline (1996)

I may have reached the end of the line. This one started out well enough, I was certainly curious about the origin of the box. But, that story lead to another story, which would have been fine had it not lead to another story. And that thing I said about Pinhead getting chatty. Yeah, that’s much worse. And he has a pet. The pet, I think, is supposed to be reminiscent of Chattering Cenobyte. Yes, I miss him too, he was creepy. However, this weird animatronic critter is not really doing it for me. It’s too cartoony. I did like the new Twin Cenobyte, that one was the only one with any newness. It felt really, really long…I kept checking to see how much time was left. Could have done without it.